awesomely bad fiction, that’s just so terrible that it’s prizewinningly good. has been a feature on kitschbitch before. now let’s go another step further, and venture into the realm of cringeworthy, stunningly dire, erotic fiction – a world where the breasts are pendulous, the members are turgid, and the, er, oesophaguses are highly sexual. I kid ye not. seriously. oh, it really does get so much worse. we’re talking “g-string that passed through the crevice of her bottom like a cruise-liner along the equator” levels of bad. go check out nerve’s bad erotica contest. just don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Archives - May 2003
awesomely bad fiction, that’s just so terrible that it’s prizewinningly good. has been a feature on kitschbitch before. now let’s go another step further, and venture into the realm of cringeworthy, stunningly dire, erotic fiction – a world where the breasts are pendulous, the members are turgid, and the, er, oesophaguses are highly sexual. I kid ye not. seriously. oh, it really does get so much worse. we’re talking “g-string that passed through the crevice of her bottom like a cruise-liner along the equator” levels of bad. go check out nerve’s bad erotica contest. just don’t say I didn’t warn you.
it’s just plain wrong, wrong I tell you
I saw it a couple of days ago and thought my eyes were deceiving me. then I saw another one and realised what seemed too hideous to even contemplate was in fact true. they’ve come up with vanilla ice-cream flavoured monster munch. now, some international visitors to kitschbitch towers may not be familiar with the great british snack that is the packet of monster munch, and I fear I may not do it justice. imagine a cross between sawdust and polystyrene. now imagine it made into the shape of a monster’s footprint. yes, I know it’s a stretch, but work with me. then imagine them in flaming hot or roast beef flavours, or in the almighty deity of monster munch flavours, pickled onion. all three will render your breath so incredibly minging that anyone who comes within a ten mile radius of you after scoffing a packet of them will be knocked out instantly. I realise that to the uninitiated these in themselves might seem wholly unbelievable as far as snack flavours and varieties are concerned, but really, they’re quite legendary and a british institution. which pretty much sums up the state of the nation. but I digress. the very suggestion of a sweet and confectionary-based flavouring such as vanilla ice-cream for a tangy corn snack that’s meant to make you stink and regret indulging in monster munch ever again is just so very very wrong. it’s a travesty against all that is good and pure in the world of savoury snacks. here endeth today’s rant.
it’s just plain wrong, wrong I tell you
I saw it a couple of days ago and thought my eyes were deceiving me. then I saw another one and realised what seemed too hideous to even contemplate was in fact true. they’ve come up with vanilla ice-cream flavoured monster munch. now, some international visitors to kitschbitch towers may not be familiar with the great british snack that is the packet of monster munch, and I fear I may not do it justice. imagine a cross between sawdust and polystyrene. now imagine it made into the shape of a monster’s footprint. yes, I know it’s a stretch, but work with me. then imagine them in flaming hot or roast beef flavours, or in the almighty deity of monster munch flavours, pickled onion. all three will render your breath so incredibly minging that anyone who comes within a ten mile radius of you after scoffing a packet of them will be knocked out instantly. I realise that to the uninitiated these in themselves might seem wholly unbelievable as far as snack flavours and varieties are concerned, but really, they’re quite legendary and a british institution. which pretty much sums up the state of the nation. but I digress. the very suggestion of a sweet and confectionary-based flavouring such as vanilla ice-cream for a tangy corn snack that’s meant to make you stink and regret indulging in monster munch ever again is just so very very wrong. it’s a travesty against all that is good and pure in the world of savoury snacks. here endeth today’s rant.
